I picked up The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey to read on the plane on our trip to Italy mostly due to its physically robust build quality and light weight suitable for travel expecting it to simply be yet another self-help book full of specific, often unrealistic and inflexible processes and hacks but I was positively surprised.

The book walks you through seven “universal” principles that all sound simple and make intuitive sense but still contain a wealth of depth to them. More importantly, it organizes these into an actionable, realistic progression from dependence through independence to interdependence that first and foremost emphasizes building character and integrity over everything and teaches that there are no shortcuts or hacks to true happiness and success. To be effective is to be proactive, discerning and synergistic, living in physically, emotionally and socially productive, interdependent harmony.

Don’t get me wrong, it still mostly has stuff you already know and it is VERY American in terms of (the lack of) information density and the number and types of stories it contains. Some other amusing examples include using the word “quantum” for “massive”, “major” and “significant”, having 18 recommendations from celebrities spanning 3 pages inside the book before the content, diagrams that contribute absolutely nothing that could not be very easily understood from the text alone as well as the way and frequency that Victor Frankl is referenced, particularly when I just read Man’s search for meaning prior. However, it is good to be reminded of and to reflect on what one intellectually knows but what is so hard to consistently put into practice and I believe that most of the 7 habits are truly “correct principles” as Covey calls them.

Perhaps the best takeaway for me personally is the concept and language of the “emotional bank account”, which provides a useful model for how to understand and cultivate successful relationships. A relationship of mutual trust is built with continuous deposits, that may mean entirely different things to different people, whereas a hostile relationship’s troubles come from withdrawals from an already negative emotional bank account. This brings together and validates the entire latter half of the book dealing with the principles of Win-Win, seeking first to understand and then to be understood as well as synergizing, and unlocked a new useful mental model for me. Covey stresses personal paradigm shifts, i.e. perspective changes as the most effective method for change and this quote - also used in the book - by Dag Hammarskjöld, post secretary general of UN can really bring that about: “It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses.”

If you were to read just one self-help book, I would recommend it to be this one. “Live life in crescendo” as Stephen Covey puts it, is a worthy pursuit.